Ailis in Hunterland

Raid leaders must have it incredibly easy.  I mean, all they do is throw out a bunch of invites, move people around in groups, bark out orders, and profit, right?  They sit on vent bossing everyone around, dictating who gets loot and who doesn’t, and possibly even prevent you from raiding because you don’t meet some arbitrary raiding requirement they set.  Those bastards!  You pay good money to play this game so you should be able to do whatever you want, when you want to do it.

I am here to help.  

Here are ten easy things you can do to annoy your Raid Leader so much that they will realize their folly and grant you raiding passage and phat lewtz.

1. Badger Badger Badger

Vent is for yapping.  It’s for excessive yapping.  It’s for so much yapping that you turn on your computer speakers so you can hear yourself yap in surround sound.  Silence during a boss pull?  Pshaw!  That’s for the loser hardcore raiders who don’t know how to have fun.  Furthermore, you need to yap about completely random subjects, instigate arguments in vent that have nothing to do with the raid, or pull out the rudest, crudest, most pornographic jokes you can while your raid leader’s children are on vent.

Question every aspect of the boss strat, even if your guild has downed this boss ten times before this point.  Point out any and all flaws, problems you have with your role in said strat, and go over them again and again.  Beat that dead horse with as many sticks as you can get your hands on.

2. Everyone loves a pessimist

The boss’s health is at 5% and the tank, 1 healer and 2 DPS are all that’s left battling against the enrage timer.  What should you do as you lay there eating floor?  Encourage them?  Tell them they can do it?  Keep silent and let them concentrate?  Nope.  Morosely volunteer the sad truth that there’s no way; it’s a wipe and they might as well give up.  In fact, don’t wait until the group is in that situation.  The second anyone dies, start in on that.  You’re just being realistic, right?  You wouldn’t want anyone to foolishly think they could surmount this completely impossible situation.  And, hell, if you have to pay a repair bill, everyone should so just die already.

3. I got the stuff if you meet me at the place.

Scheduled raid breaks are for pussies.  You should be able to run to the bathroom, take a smoke break, or grab something to eat at any time you want to.  Doing it immediately before a boss pull when buffs are ticking is the absolute best time to employ this tactic.  Fifteen minutes is a good, round number to afk.  

Even better, sit on vent asking for someone to enchant the bracers you just got on the last boss and making the lone enchanter scramble for mats because you refuse to budge until it’s done.  Later on, after the raid is finished, replace that enchant with one better and link it in guild chat.  You will be loved and praised as an independent soul.

4. Do what now?

A fun trick after a trash pull is to immediately run to the next one ahead of the tank and the healers and despite the fact that four people died on the last pull.  This shows that you have potential leadership skills and don’t mess around.  Everyone else is just slow.  If anyone has the audacity to yell at you, blame it on lag.  Works every time.

Also, wait for the explanation of your role in a particular fight, then ask them to repeat it.  Twice.  Three times for good measure.  Then completely ignore said role and take over someone else’s.

5. MINE

You approach the boss and glance over to the Vent panel and see the little sound icon of your RL blink yellow as they prepare to speak.  Quick!  Interrupt them and start handing out assignments – especially if you’re DPS and have never healed/tanked a day in your life.  Do ready checks and buff checks as fast as you can because the raid leader obviously needs you to do these things.  Don’t bother asking if they would like you to take on that role for the run in an effort to alleviate any stress – of course they do!  Silly, raid leader…

6. Because it’s all about you.

You were just battle rezzed on the fly in the middle of KT.  You a) run immediately back to the fight, shooting out a quick thank you to the intensely focused healer or b) stand there dumbly and ask for cheap buffs before you go back to fighting.  Of course it’s b!  You cannot be expected to do your job and win this battle for the raid if you aren’t thoroughly and properly buffed this magical moment.  It doesn’t matter that you died because you didn’t move out of the void zones or because you were too close to the healer and chain ice blocked him.  You died, it’s the healer’s fault and you deserve buffs as compensation.  And if you don’t get your buffs then employ tip number 2 because there’s no way in hell KT’s going down now.

7. That’s totally a hunter weapon.

Initiate long and arduous conversations about why so-n-so doesn’t deserve loot simply because of their class.  Actually, lead off with an incredibly rude outburst, then move gracefully into said long and arduous conversation.  People will applaud your cleverness and sense of justice.  And even after the raid leader unfairly gives it to so-n-so, link the item you have in that slot with a sad face after the link so everyone will see how you were mercilessly gyped out of The Purple.  

Then do it again in guild chat.

8. I got it because it was cheap.

Show up to every raid five minutes late with 45% durability and at least two items unenchanted and one item with BC welfare gems in the sockets.  This will show that you don’t subscribe to the myths of full enchantments or the top quality gems.  You are the fish that swims upstream while everyone else goes downstream.  You are a pioneer!  Why go for +16 when +6 works just fine?  I mean, come on, ten measely points makes that much of a difference?  You’re frugal!

Don’t bother bringing any food, pots, or flasks to the raid either.  That’s why the rest of the guild leveled their professions, right?  They can provide all the consumables for you and spend their time sitting there staring at that stupid fishing bobber.  God that’s boring…  And while you’re at it, ask for a stack of bandages.

9. [W to] Raidleader: What the #@&!!$% was that?  Did you see Broccoli-head stand in the flame wall AGAIN? And I can’t BELIEVE Totem-boy keeps ripping aggro from Tanky-man!

Every time someone screws up, point it out.  Whisper the raid leader, yell in vent, type it out in raid chat AND guild chat but be sure to point it out so the raid leader notices.  They have so much on their plate that they cannot possibly be as observant as you are.  They will thank you for noticing the little things like the Shaman ripping aggro so the boss goes cavorting around the room.  Surely, they missed the Mage dropping his poison load in the middle of the raid instead of running to the wall.  

In fact, do the Raid Leader an enormous favor by stopping everything you’re doing and just standing there watching everyone else and making sure they don’t screw it up.

Never mind that you just got hit by a flame wall…

10. There’s a pea under my matress.

You do so much to help the raid.  You keep the Raid Leader’s job interesting.  You hand out assignments at the drop of a hat.  You point out everyone else’s flaws.  You make sure that all the loot properly goes to the correct class.  You take all those extra pots, flasks and food from everyone else to help them free up precious bag space.

You should get a reward.  Yes, you should.  Talk to your raid leader about it.  Better yet, talk to your officers about it.  Point out all that you do and ask for something in return.  And the sky is the limit!  Guild bank access, this drop from that boss, guaranteed raid spots in progression raids, I’m sure you can think of much more clever things to ask for.  Be sure to also point out that even though you don’t meet raid requirements, you should be allowed to go because of all the invaluable assistance you bring.

They will write songs about you.